Friday, May 6, 2016

Kind Words


As some of you may have noticed, I've been reading a lot lately. I have loved having more time to read and learn about new things. 

One of my beautiful friends from high school suggested that we start a virtual book club with the rest of our Lone Peak group. We had our first meeting last night and it was amazing. If you haven't read Wonder by R.J. Palacio, you need to do it right now. 

A lesson of note from the novel is a quote attributed to Blaise Pascal, "Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much." We talked about this and the message really hit home today. 

It's been a rough couple weeks of work. This time of year is always stressful: big events and lots of pressure. However, additional factors have compounded my stress and unhappiness. Then today, one of my dear coworkers simply said, "Thank you for all that you do. You're doing such a great job." That was it. Tears came to my eyes, and I remembered this lesson. Simple words of kindness changed the entire outlook of my day. 

So remember to use kind words today and always. You never know what those words can mean. 

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

My Angel Mother

Best Mom in the World
This past Sunday, we had an interesting lesson in church about keeping journals. I'll confess, I typically wait for a significant moment or memory before I'll write in my journal or even on this blog.

But then I remembered an email that my Dad sent to me several months ago, about writing your life history. Since I want this blog to be a place where I can record significant memories and impressions for my future posterity, I figured I would start with my Dad's email.

The email was simple really, just a list of questions about life, questions about people, places, and moments that may be significant to document. One especially stood out: What memories do you have of your mother?

I figured this was a good starting point for me, considering Sunday is Mother's Day. I wish I could encapsulate here everything that my Mother is and does. Since that's impossible, I'll just give you a small peek into the joyous memories that I have of this beautiful woman.

Karen Jane Stuy was born on July 24th, Pioneer Day. She truly is a pioneer in every sense of the word. She is strong in faith and diligence. She is humble, submissive, and charitable to all who surround her. If there's someone who embodies the characteristics of a pioneer, it is my angel mother.

My Mom grew up in California, daughter to two Dutch immigrants, Harry and Catherine Stuy. She was dedicated in school, at home, and in the Church. She raised goats, mastered sewing, and excelled in school. My grandparents taught all their children the importance of self-reliance, hard work, and dedication. Everyone worked, everyone did their part.

She eventually went to Brigham Young University, where she earned a B.S. in Accounting. While at BYU, she met and became engaged to Lance Roy Davis (I could tell the story of the proposal, but that's a delightful topic for another time). The summer after her graduation, they were married in the Los Angeles Temple.

Aren't They Adorable?
Because my Dad had several years of school left, my Mother became the primary breadwinner for the family, working in accounting for years to put my Dad through both his undergraduate and graduate programs. During that time, she became a mother to both my older brother, Jake, and me. I remember her telling me that Sunday nights were always tough for her then, because that meant she'd have to take her babies to daycare before heading off to work. She was, and is, enamored with her role as a mother.

Since that time, my Mom has given birth to two more children, my younger brother, Josh, and my younger sister, Sariah. She's fed us, bathed us, clothed us, cried with us, helped with our homework, taken us to gymnastics, football, basketball, scouts, church activities, choir concerts, plays, piano lessons, dance recitals, and so much more. She was constantly our cheerleader, helping us to discover new talents and reach our potential.

As we grew, I learned more about my Mom. I learned about her struggles and about her strong character. She taught me about faith, about testimony, about loving and sacrificing for others. She taught me about Christ, about the scriptures, and how to love the Lord. She taught me how to listen and give advice. But she didn't just teach me with her words. She taught me with her actions.

Karen was never one to turn down a church assignment, or neglect someone in need. She was always there to help others, to bring them meals when they were sick, or help watch their kids, or even drop off a cute present to let them know someone cared. She was and is an angel to many.

Gordon B. Hinckley, former prophet and president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints once said, "God planted within women something divine." I know that to be true, because I've seen it in my own Mom. She exudes love, quiet strength, and faith. She is humble, patient, and always reminds me what matters most.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! I can only hope that one day I can be a mother like you.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Birthday Week: Phil is 25

The Hubby is another year older, and definitely wiser (go UWSOM), so of course we had to celebrate. I wanted to run birthday week with a medicinal theme, so each day had a prescription for his birthday regimen. Phil loved it and we had such a great time celebrating his 25 years of life. Lots of eating, lots of laughing, and lots of ditching homework.

Prescription for Day One: The Office and Chocolate Chip Cookies
My Awesome Birthday Decorations
Day Two: Heart Shaped Pizza
Making Italy Proud Since 2016
Friday we went out to an amazing restaurant called Sangria. If you're ever in Moscow, (since it's such a tourist hot-spot) I highly recommend getting the paella or lomo saltado.

Lomo Saltado!
Saturday was the main event (and his actual birthday), so we went to Palouse Falls for a hike and had such a blast. What a beautiful area!

These Flowers Smelled Amazing
Water on Water on Water
W.O.W. 
Selfies for Days
His Cute Face
Those Cliffs Though
Foam Swirls
That View!
Overall, I think it was an awesome week. I love this man and I'm so happy to be his wifey.

Officially 25

Sunday, April 3, 2016

Easter and #LDSConf

What a wonderful time of year! I have loved these days that tease us with the arrival of spring. Sunshine, chirping birds, and blooming flowers. This is a "no lose" type of season.

Easter this year was a big success. Phil and I had the week off from nursery, and I was asked to give the lesson in Relief Society. Honestly, I was thrilled they asked me because it's been a long time since I've had a sitting audience for my lessons. I've missed teaching adults, and it was a wonderful experience. Teaching forces me to reflect on principles of the gospel, quite often in more depth than I would otherwise.

Preparing a lesson about the atonement was just what I needed to remember just how grateful I am for the power of Christ's sacrifice. I was reminded how this power filters into our daily lives and allows mankind to change, to improve, to be more than we could be without Him. What a transformative power, what a significant force for positive growth. How grateful I am to live each day, knowing that this power can make more of my life than I ever could on my own.

In addition to church, Phil and I celebrated Easter the commercial way as well. Pastel outfits, dying eggs, and a fun Easter dinner. We've dyed eggs every year since we've been married, so we're learning that it's not just for kids. We got pretty artistic this year. And we learned that family pictures are hard to take when you don't have anyone to take them.

Selfies for the Win
Selfie Stick Fail 
Much Better
Eggs for Days
Making Pollock Proud
The fun continued when I was able to visit my family the week following Easter. My job allows me to come into town every three months or so, and I'm not complaining. It was a blast to spend time with my family and friends. Shopping, temple trips, and family dinners. Oh yeah, and my awesome mom hid eggs for us kids. Yes, we're all adults. No that didn't stop us from hunting for hidden, plastic eggs in our basement like we were four.
Mt. Timp Temple
Basket Win
Bad Lighting. Great Friend!
The good times continued with General Conference this weekend. We, unfortunately, had to spend our Saturday moving, so we missed most of the Saturday sessions. But we made sure to enjoy Sunday. I'll post my favorite thoughts later, but I couldn't pass up posting these pictures from our break between sessions. Spring truly has sprung in Moscow.

Arboretum Win
Blossoms!
Baby Geese
Bee's Paradise
Spring, we love you. Feel free to stay.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Surviving (and Thriving) as a Med Student Wife

My Little Med Student
I have to say, much of what I read about being married to a med student is very depressing. Horror stories of women who only see their husbands when he leaves at 6:00 AM to study, and comes home at 10 or 11 PM. Stories of women who hold dinner for their husbands only to have him text and cancel. Stories of women who cry in bed because it has been weeks or months that they've been doing everything on their own.

These stories, no doubt, are real. These are women of bravery and strength, and I admire their tenacity and sacrifice. I am not one of these women. Let me explain what I mean.

When I married Phil, I knew, at least somewhat, what I was getting myself into. Phil was very upfront about his professional goals, and said he needed someone to support him. In an almost Katniss Everdeen type fashion, I volunteered as tribute. In a similar fashion, I refused to play by the "traditional supportive wife" rules.

Of course, I did a lot of what is required of a student's wife. I followed him when we moved for school. I left my family to pursue his passion. I settled into a small town far from my natural habitat (I honestly can't think of a better way to describe this move to Moscow. If you know me, you understand.) But I also refused to be one of those women that I'd read so much about. I refused to let school or study schedules or classes dictate how my life would go or how my relationship with my husband would play out.

Now, full disclaimer here, my husband is incredibly intelligent. He would never say this himself, but he is very gifted. Lucky for me, this allows my demands on his time to be accommodated. He can spend more time with me because he already has such a solid grasp on the material he's taught. He picks things up faster, and that ability allows us to have a semi-normal life. I understand that this is not the case for everyone, and thus, my advice will not apply in all situations. Take everything I say with a grain of salt.

Ultimately, however, I feel that this advice can be applied to most women in my situation. Shall we dive in?

  1. Don't be afraid to feel entitled. I believe Mindy Kaling said something similar to this in her book, Why Not Me?, and I think it applies perfectly to med student wives. Don't be afraid to feel entitled to time with your husband. Don't be afraid to ask things of him. Don't be afraid to express your frustrations, your emotions, your desires. You're his wife for goodness sake, not his maidservant. He wants to make you happy! If you're lonely, tell him! If you're tired of doing all the dishes yourself, tell him! If you're sick of handling all the bills yourself, tell him! You shouldn't have to bear the load all on your own, and if your husband loves you (as I'm sure he does), he'll happily step in to assist. Remember, this is your life too. 
  2. Don't be afraid to compromise. I know that somewhat contradicts number one, but it also works in harmony with my previous advice. You're entitled to certain things, yes, but so is he. He's entitled to sleep, to eat, and to hopefully relax at some point. This means that he may not be able to do all that you would like him to do. I will never forget our first week of medical school. Classes hadn't event started, it was actually just orientation, but I couldn't believe how much I hated it. Phil was gone ALL DAY! I never saw him and quickly grew impatient with his lack of presence and assistance. And eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. I broke down that Friday (after we had a big fight) and told him how unhappy I was. I hated how he moved me to this strange city, where I had no support system, and then abandoned me to do everything on my own. And do you know what he said? He hated it too, because he knew I was miserable! So that night we had one of the most important conversations in our marriage. We established expectations. I told him my wishes about the next four years and he told me his. Together we made a list of compromises, rules if you will, that would keep us both happy. And that conversation has made all the difference. I can't say that we're perfect, or that we don't have bumps, but we have both loved our first year of medical school and I truly believe that this conversation is the reason why. 
  3. Don't be afraid to talk about it. Maybe not all of you are like me, but I am one of those people who needs a sounding board. Many blogs/articles I read from other med student wives talked about finding other med student wives and becoming friends, since you share similar circumstances and experiences. Basically, just find someone who you can vent to that won't judge you. I don't think this needs to be another med student wife. I'm not exactly extroverted, so my sounding boards tend to be my lifelong friends and family members (Thanks Mom!). This works just as well. In med school, as in life, you will have days that you are frustrated and tired. You will have days where things seem unfair and that you hate the medical profession. That's cool, don't feel bad about that. Just make sure to find a trusted confidant that you can open up to about it. My friends and family have been so helpful for me during this process. They remind me just how short this time is, and how lucky I actually am. Med school is rough, sure, but compared to other life struggles, we're actually doing just fine. 
  4. Don't be afraid of looking at your finances. Little disclaimer here, I have a job, so we're only taking out loans for Phil's tuition and nothing more. No doubt about it, med school is one of the most expensive graduate programs in the country. Next time you wonder why going to the doctor for a check-up can cost a couple hundred dollars, look at the cost of training a doctor and you'll understand. When we first started out, I was completely overwhelmed by how much this little piece of paper with an M.D. on it was going to cost us. And we're getting in-state tuition! But I've realized that this is a necessary part of the process. It's virtually impossible to become a doctor without going into debt (unless you opt for the military route). Live within your means, minimize loans, and try to get the best interest rates that you can. These loans are more than debt, they're an investment for your future.
  5. Don't be afraid to get involved. I know nothing about medicine. Or science. I work in marketing, and my experience in science is limited to my freshman biology class (where I opted to take my B- instead of trying to take the final. By the way, best decision of my life.) But I've learned just how much it means to my husband when I show interest in what he's learning. I think part of it is because he knows I'm not naturally interested in it. Showing interest in what he learned in class, or helping him review flashcards shows my husband that I'm in this process too. He knows I'm here to help him and that makes him so happy. Plus, I've learned so much about the human body and gained a whole new respect for all these doctors do and learn to help all of us. So go ahead and mispronounce all the Latin words on his anatomy flashcards. No matter how badly you butcher it, I promise it'll make him smile. 
  6. Don't be afraid to find yourself. This is probably one of the most important pieces of advice so far. Obviously this will mean something different to all of you. But for me, this has meant finding interests to fill my time. Phil still studies, A LOT! And much as I try to distract him so he'll hang out with me, I still have lots of time that I need to fill while he's busy with school. My outlets include books, Netflix, cooking, and painting (still a work in progress). Find things that you can be passionate about and that make you happy when your husband doesn't have time for you. Expand your mind and better yourself. Take advantage of time you have to do things you enjoy. Last year I had a goal to read 12 books during the course of the year. By the time we moved for school, I think I had read about 3-4. By the end of the year I had read about 25. Because guess what, when Phil was studying, I read. I read copiously. And I loved it! It allowed me to take a vacation from the daily monotony, and explore without leaving my couch. Now I'm not saying that you have to read books, but find your own thing. Find a passion or a hobby that will help you feel fulfilled. You will spend most of your day investing in your husband, in your job, or in your kids. Take time to invest in yourself. 
And there it is. My advice to future and current med student wives. I am by no means claiming to be a perfect wife, or to know everything about this process. But that doesn't matter. Make your journey your own. Quite apparently, my biggest message here is this: Don't be afraid. Med school can actually be an amazing time of loving, growing, and learning with your spouse. Just like a wise man once said, "We need women who know how to make important things happen..." You are that type of woman. Don't be afraid to go out and make important things happen. Not just for your husband, but for yourself. 

Monday, February 22, 2016

Things We've Learned: Two Year Edition


It's probably cliche to say that I can't believe Phil and I have already been married for two years. It seems like just yesterday we got married.

In keeping with our tradition, we both sat down and made a list of things we've learned about each other this last year. We laughed and cried (okay, I cried) as we read off our lists to each other. 

What Hannah's Learned about Phil:
  1. He's smarter than I knew (just ask all his classmates). Since I don't understand anything about medicine, it took me this long to realize what a genius my husband is. 
  2. He can run a mile in less than five minutes. He's been out of his cross country/track days for seven years, and he can still do it. 
  3. He's full of surprises.
  4. He always knows the days that I need flowers.
  5. His favorite thing is to receive compliments, on anything.
  6. He loves to dance in the kitchen.
  7. If you make Italian food, he'll love you forever.
  8. He's getting better at managing stress.
  9. He's going to be an awesome daddy. (Our nursery kids love him. Plus he knows how to make all those cool sound effects when reading books.)
  10. He could spoon all night and day.
  11. He loves playing board games. 
What Phil's Learned about Hannah:
  1. She's way more cultured than I had realized. (She likes to read books, look at art, and listen to opera.)
  2. She has a love-hate relationship with nursery kids and kids in general. 
  3. She is very strong-willed and independent.
  4. Retail therapy is a real thing for her.
  5. She will sacrifice anything for her family. 
  6. Her family's worries are her own worries.
  7. She fights for family unity and togetherness.
  8. She can read my thoughts. 
  9. She is just as nerdy as I am, but in different ways.
  10. She always knows the right thing to say when I am sad. 
  11. She laughs at her own jokes. 
Phil and I adore being married. Inviting him to study in the park so he would talk to me was one of the best decisions I've ever made. We're best friends now and forever, and I love that we get to spend eternity together. I love you, Phil! 

Monday, February 15, 2016

Love Day

Since our anniversary is so close to Valentine's Day, Phil and I split up planning. Last year he did our anniversary, and I did Valentine's Day. This year, we switched. And I must say, he did a fantastic job making it so fun.

Saturday was Stake Temple Day, so we spent the day in Spokane. What a great way to spend a day celebrating love. That, coupled with Cafe Rio, is a winning combination.

The House of the Lord
Love in a Tin
Sunday was even better. We exchanged our homemade cards, and Phil made me baked ziti. Could I love this guy more than I already do?

Science and Economics Valentines. We Are Nerds. 
He Knows I Love White Roses
My Chef
He's Adorable
We ended the night playing Ticket to Ride and eating a whole bunch of Oreos. I would call this a Valentine's Day win.

I Lost. Every. Single. Time.
Yum. Just Yum. 
Happy Valentine's Day, Philly! I love you!